Lee Atwater

I miss Lee Atwater, but I also miss Dr. Gene Scott so you really can't go by me.

Bad Drivers

Why do all the bad drivers seem to drive Saturns?

What Kind of Mutt Do You Drive?

I like to follow design trends, some of it relates to my job but mostly it's a hobby. A while back I noticed Mercedes-Benz starting to resemble Honda Accords. Recently I saw a Mercedes-Benz R-Class which looked like a Toyota Matrix, that in turn bears a resemblance to a Ford Focus.
It's as if automobile manufacturers were behaving like dogs, which when left to interbreed indiscriminately tend to revert back to two or three prototypical mutts.

The Jesus Chair

By now most readers of this blog know that if I'm nothing else, I'm an idea guy. If all goes well I should be able to retire off of this one. I've combined two very popular current trends into what I think is going to be a blockbuster novel and/or screenplay.

First take the popularity of The DaVinci Code and throw in biblically based fiction in general. Combine that with the popularity of home decorating, interior design shows and what do you have? The Jesus Chair!

According to Catholic catechism little is known of Jesus' early life before he turned pro. We do know that Joseph was a carpenter. It would not be beyond the realm of speculation to think Jesus might have helped Joseph in his work and a product of that work would be a chair built by the son of God himself. Such a chair would afford a profound sense of love and well being to anyone that sat in it. It would also fit well with any decor. Does the chair still exist? Ah, there hangs the tale to be written.

Hollywood’s Pimp

First off congratulations to Ed Morrissey for his blog Captain's Quarters being cited by Playboy for being among the five winning political blogs. That prompted me to look at Hugh's (that’s Hefner, not Hewitt) magazine and see how well it has aged.

I remember getting into my father’s Playboys when I was nine or ten years old. Kim Novak on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace, Brubeck playing from the hi-fi. While I mixed the martinis in my smoking jacket. I couldn't wait to be an adult. The women back then were good breeding stock, big breasts and wide hips. To this day, I still turn my head if I see a woman wearing pink lipstick or nail polish. And after one, shall we say, overcame his initial excitement, there were interviews with Henry Miller, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Albert Schweitzer.

When I was old enough to actually buy Playboy myself everything had changed, the women were artificial and the interviews were with people like O.J. Simpson and John Denver.

Skip ahead thirty years. It’s really amazing Playboy is being published at all. The advertisers must be desperate to reach anyone in the 18 to 25 male demographic. Desperate seems to be the operative word at Playboy these days. Young girls are still so desperate for fame they’ll screw a spooky old guy like Hef. Unfortunately that never was much of a career starter. But hey girls, don’t run away, hang around and maybe you could meet someone like Bill Maher. Want to know who can’t get layed in Hollywood? Check out The World of Playboy feature in every issue, where we see candid photos of celebrities posing with those adorable bunnies. If you find an issue without Maher consider it collectable. Well maybe we could read some relevant interviews, what exactly is Matt Dameon thinking these days, or James Spader. The current issue reveals George Carlin isn’t dead but is instead giving an interview to Playboy which in the long run is the same thing.

A Note to Parents with Young Children

Some grocery stores I frequent have miniature carts that children push around while they pretend to shop. I discourage the use of those carts in the strongest terms. Grocery shopping time is just that, it's not play time, or make believe time. Mommy or Daddy may like to think they are having quality time with their child (who just minutes before was picked up from the day care center they were shoveled off to that morning) but a busy grocery store is not the place. It's the same logic why we don't let children drive miniature cars down the street. Children are not very smart and tend to make bad decisions. They still have child seats on regular grocery carts, I suggest they be put to use.

Katrina

To all the little girls named Katrina, you have my sympathy for the National Weather Service stigmatizing your name.

Suffering

It's awful to see the people suffering in New Orleans. Those that are suffering the worst have put their faith in the government to take care of them. Our government works best when it is not asked to actually do anything. Then the political rhetoric can fly back and forth and an illusion of progress is maintained.

The quick decent into anarchy does not surprise me but then I have a very low opinion of humanity in general, although most of that is based on the employee refrigerator at work.

Vacations

I took a few days off to relax. My mistake was I didn’t travel, I didn’t take a vacation. So while I tried to relax at home, there was always something I could have been doing that was more constructive. Each time I entered or left my house I could hear the drain gutters mock me, “Hey! We’re all full of pine needles. Don’t pretend you don’t know. You’ll have to deal with we us eventually.”
So that’s why people take vacations! To alleviate guilt while doing nothing. Better to put actual physical distance between me and those gutters. “I want to clean them but look, I’m miles away.” But when you get back from vacation everything you left is still suppose to be there, as opposed to evacuation where there's usually nothing worth coming back to.